23 weeks and still counting

Its been quite a while I updated what is happening to the babies. Its their 23rd week last Thursday. Felin started to show stretch marks on her tummy and she is quite disappointed about it. Her tummy is definitely big for a 23 weeks pregnant woman. We met another lady conceiving twins at 23rd week as well during our antenatal class and her tummy is just as big. I see those with single babies, their tummy are just quite small.

I asked Felin recently whether she hope the babies will be out soon and her reply is "Yes". I asked why and she said, its because there will be many people sharing the burden when they are out. At the moment, she is the only one carrying the burden. What a reason. Haha... By the time they are out, we will surely have a "Good Time"... I'm certainly not ready yet...

So what is happening at week 23?
Copied from http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/week-by-week/week-23.aspx

At eight inches and slightly over a pound, this week marks the beginning of some serious weight gain. Your baby should double his weight over the next four weeks alone (and you may feel as though you do, too). His skin is a bit saggy since it grows a lot faster than fat — but soon he’ll start to fit his frame as fat deposits fill things out. By the time your baby is born, he or she will be pleasantly plump and filled out, from chubby cheeks to chubby toes. And although at 23 weeks pregnant your baby's organs and bones are visible through his skin (which has a red hue due to developing veins and arteries beneath), he'll become less transparent once those fat deposits settle in. Its the size of a small papaya now...

***

A pound is about 450gm. but my babies are already 509gm more than a week ago. They seems to be oversized... Felin is quite worried about their size actually. She is bound to ask Dr Su about it during our next visit on 7th Oct.

Oh ya. I also like to mention that I felt the babies kick last Thurs when I put my hand on Felin's tummy. Its the first time feeling these kicks on my birthday when they are 23rd week. I think the kicks will start getting more frequent and harder soon. Both the babies don't get too naughty.

Our first item purchased for babies

We attended our 2nd Antenatal class on Saturday. We were given a classroom lecture about the process of pregnancy. What to expect during the 3 Trimesters, the myths and truths of pregnancies, etc.. Most of us are quite quiet though Felin did ask some questions about babies weight of twins.

After the class, we drove to Bendemeer to collect our Combi stroller that we purchased from Gumtree. The owner used the stroller for 1.5 years and definitely don't looks new but I think the condition still looks good to me and the price is only $50. A new combi stroller could easily cost about $300 in retail shops.

 

 

We were pretty happy with this first purchase and we are likely to get another combi stroller in the near future. I think Combi strollers do have some level of quality and its really light. The one shown above is only about 4kg. Most strollers will have weight about 6-8kg for this size. 

 

We had just negotiated a 4-in-1 baby cot for $150 which include the mattresses in gumtree lately and to be collected at Jurong West next week. One of my friend, Zoey recently informed me that she wants to give away her baby cot and I think I may take it up too if her hubby is okay and if she is not pregnant by late Nov. Now that my babies have beds to sleep now. I also have another friend, Faith who told me that she has a pair of baby seats to be given away too in January after her twins turn 4yo. This means my big items for babies are taken care already.

 

Felin recently started packing the clothes and rompers from my cousins and put them nicely in the babies room wardrobe. All those lotions are the freebies given during the Antenatal class. The room really smell of babies now. Things are getting more exciting by the days. I really look forward seeing them soon.

 

 

On Saturday, I visited Patricia, one of my former YEC fellow members for her baby shower. Its for her 2nd son, Valerian. She was really busy entertaining the guest and to make sure things are going well. She was also busy having to change diaper and feeding the baby. Its her 2nd child and with her experience, she still take quite a while to handle all these things. Her first son, Victor is quite active too. It gave a glimpse that things are certainly not easy and I just got to be prepared for all these.

 

On Sunday, I visited a client whose son is about 13 months old. He is really active and grab everything that he sees. Its really tiring having to catch him as he will start crying and struggle whenever we prevent him from running around. Again, this gave me another glimpse of how things going to be like as time goes by. I'm really at a loss on how to handle active baby boys.

26th Birthday together as a couple

For the last 13 years, we never fail to spend birthday together, whether its mine or Felin's birthday. Every-time, its only the two of us but from next year onwards, our babies will be with us. This makes me value our time together for this year. We will be facing the challenges ahead together as a couple soon and I have no idea how our birthdays be like in future.

It was raining heavily in the morning and we slept through till 9:30am. We woke up for breakfast and Felin continued her sleep while I started to prepare for my Friday's meeting.
Felin had made a reservation at Les Bouchons Restaurant along Ann Siang Road. She knew I love steak and she researched on some of the best places for steaks for me. How sweet of her. I ordered a medium rare Ribeye steak and it was really sweet and juicy. The fries and salad was good too. Too bad, I missed my Tenderloin steak as they don't serve it.

We strolled along Ann Siang Hill after lunch as the weather was really good. It was cloudy and cool. I really love the picture with a mix of old and high-rise buildings. The feeling was good, holding hands together, walking among the old shophouses together.

I suddenly felt like having Rainbow cake for my birthday this year and we drove to The Central at Clarke Quay to try our luck as I remember seeing it everytime I passed by that particular cafe. Unfortunately they did not make rainbow cake that day and I took their bottled cake instead. I enjoyed it nevertheless.

 

We planned our next destination while enjoying the cake in the café. We decided to go Karaoke at Teo Heng (Suntec City branch) and let our babies listen to our singing. I think it will be difficult for us to visit a Karaoke place in future. We might also be too busy in future and lose interest in singing. That's why I decided to go sing on my birthday just like what we did in our earlier birthdays together... As I'm barely able to sing a single song without mistake, I'm surprise that Felin is able to sing many songs even though she only hears it a couple of times. Its natural that she have good memories indeed. Hope my babies will be as intelligent as her in future.

 

After a good 2.5hrs of singing, we had the Vietnam rice noodle for dinner at Nam Nam before proceeding home. Oh ya. I forgot to show you my birthday cake for this year... It doesn't looks good, but it really taste great... Yes. Its great!!! I had a simple wish this year. Just wish for the safe arrival of the babies and that they be healthy and happy...

 

 

Hands-me-down items from Cousins

It was 2am when I switched on the computer and started writing this. I had just reached home and taken my shower but still feeling energetic to share my story for the day.

Its work as usual and I managed to clear quite a lot of backlogs that accumulate over the weekend. I am starting to write my client's proposals and getting ready for the busy weekend which is filled with appointments.

I realized that I can share bible stories via my sons' names. My colleagues asked about my sons' name and I started sharing the story about Joshua and how he led the Israelite into Promiseland and how the name 阙予恒 are linked to the story. The "予" which is the gift from God and "恒" as everlasting and perseverance. I then shared about how Josiah being a young and wise king out of all numerous lousy Judah kings before him. He was full of righteousness and hence 阙予正. They started asking me about what is the promiseland and we even talked about Genesis and Jesus, etc... Not bad, their names can easily linked me to talk about the Bible. Actually one thing I did not mentioned previously. The 恒 and 正 actually form the shape of the cross. 恒 is like the horizontal line and 正 is like the upright vertical line. This will also remind us on how Jesus die on the cross for us.

One thing I still feel a bit uncomfortable is that the names are so common and if their character is like me, they may not like the names in future. Anyway I will continue to pray for God's guidance in giving me more ideas in the next few months.

I felt even more blessed when my cousin Caylin came with my Auntie today and brought a lot of new and hands-me-down clothes for the babies from herself and Jacqueline. There was so many clothes and rompers that I'm wondering if they are able to wear all of them. I wasn't home when they came but I really am very thankful for their kind gestures. When Felin asked Caylin why don't she keep the clothes for her 2nd child, they said that her next baby will be a Girl. I will pray for her on this...

There are more clothes in a bag and they are stacked up.  Just to illustrate that there are indeed many clothes for my babies now.

A Fruitful Weekend

Its a weekend that we looked forward again. I visited mum and cousin at the Hokkien Mee stall after a client's appointment and had a good chat with them before meeting Felin for dinner at Bedok Point. We had Turkish food and its healthy and yummy. I decided to drop all my work for the week and just want to spend quality time with my loved ones. I really don't care about the work that I'm supposed to do for this week.

We were quite hardworking and went over to Ikea after dinner to understand about baby cots. We were really tired but I still drove over to Flora drive to collect some hands-me-down items with blessings from a Baby-Twins-Sg facebook friend. Its our first items that we got for the babies. Our house smell a bit more of babies now. Haha...

The following morning, we went for our first NUH Antenatal lesson. We were briefed about their admission procedures and was brought to all the wards for viewing. We were also guided to the labour room and they gave us an idea on what may happen on the day of delivery. I think there will be more to learn in weeks ahead.

After the class, we went for lunch at Alexandra before driving over to Yishun to window shop for babies items. We then went to Parkway Centre for a SIP One meeting before going to Parkway Parade MotherCare and learn those baby items again. We were also told by a shopper there that we can buy many items through Amazon as its significantly cheaper in the US. An idea that we have to explore. We slept early at 10pm and work up at 7:30am. Its quite a long time I last had a 9.5hrs sleep. Felin was not so lucky, she woke up many times during the night.

Sunday was church service and Cell Group meeting as usual. A good time spent understanding God's word and worshipping him. We studied Psalm 34 today and learned about God's promises to us and what we need to do to claim those promises.
I went for a good 45 minutes jog and 15 minutes gym workout before a healthy dinner and watched F1 racing held in Singapore. Lewis Hamilton won the race.

I thank God for this beautiful weekend where I spend quality time with Felin and Mum. I learnt a lot about baby stuffs and gained new knowledge from the Bible. I also had healthy meals, a good workout and a good sleep. I did the laundry and clean up the house as well.

I can't ask for more but tomorrow, plenty of work awaits me and this I a bit worried. Haha...

Joshua and Josiah introduced to my friends

I had finally decided to make known this blog to my friends and to share my parenthood experience as a "To be Father". I posted the blog as a link on my facebook yesterday.

One day after posting the link, I received 169 new visits and 230 pages read. I think this will be the best day for this entire blog history. If I compare today's result with past weeks, there was nearly zero views most of the days. (Obvious because not many people know about it)

I received a lot of watapps messages, sms, personal facebook messages as well as comments on my blog from friends to congratulate me. Colleagues also came over to congratulate me in the office. Its like I don't need to keep the whole world in the dark anymore.

One funny thing that happened is when Mum called me to ask what I posted on facebook and if I have financial problem. I was totally puzzled by her question and she revealed that "Someone" told her that I wrote in facebook about me working very late to earn that extra cash likely because I don't have enough money to support the twins. Makes me wonder who is that "Someone" that makes my mum worried. Working late means not enough money meh? Ai yo... Faintz... Maybe this years PIAS awards night, I should invite her to attend with me to give her more confidence about her own son.

The 2nd Trimester Detailed Scan

I have been waiting for this scan over the past 2 weeks because I wanted to have that peace of mind that the babies are doing well. I am also ready to share more about my babies with all my friends after this scan.

Our appointment was fixed at 9:45am yesterday. We reached the Fetal Centre at about 9:35am and did our usual registration. Felin's parents and sister's family was there as well. We planned to have lunch and to invite them to our house for a swim. We thought everything will end by lunchtime.

We had a relatively long wait till 11:10am before its finally our turn for the scanning. The scan took about 40 mins because the babies were not in good scanning position. They were rather active and kept moving. Their hands and legs were also blocking their face and the vital organs where the sonographer were trying to scan. We took about 30 minutes trying to figure out all the images the sonographer was trying to show us.

The ultrasound machine is really fantastic. We can see the babies face, brain, vital organs such as lung, heart, kidneys, bones including spine and neck, etc... She even shown us how the blood are flowing, whether towards or away from the heart. We listened to their blood flow and the heart beats. We also estimated their weight to be 509gm and 479gm. They are much heavier than I thought for babies at 21st week. Felin's weight had gained about 8kg since carrying both of them though their combined weight is only about 1kg.

 Joshua wasn't cooperative and gave us an odd angle for phototaking. Josiah's leg was also on his head. (Ai Yo! Josiah is kicking his brother)

 

Josiah is trying to give me a salute but putting his hand a bit too low on his eye. Felin said that his head is rounder and looks like her.

After the scan at about 12noon, we went for lunch and continue to wait at the women's clinic for Dr Su. It was nearly 2pm that I can't stand and ask the busy nurses when our turn will be for the check-up. I was getting impatient and kept thinking of my work in the office and I can see how tired Felin's family are. I was shocked to hear that we were supposed to be next but had to wait about an hour more to see Dr Su because she had left for an operation.
OMG!!! We had been in the hospital for nearly 5 hours and I asked Felin if we should wait because Dr Su are just going to see through the report and nothing much else. We waited till about 2:30pm and finally decide to leave without seeing her. The nurses said that she will call Felin to update her about the report. We left the hospital and I reached office at nearly 3:30pm.

The 5 hours wait in NUH makes my heart uneasy. I was really impatient and kept thinking that I'm wasting time here with so much work pending on my desk. If the appointment was scheduled at certain time, why is it that they can only see us 1.5hours later and another 2.5 hours to see the doctor? My heart was heavy and I'm certainly not a happy man. I hope my in-laws did not detect my unhappiness. My jogging schedule was also affected and I was not happy that I failed to exercise much this month.

When my heart settled down, I had a mixed feeling that I just got to learn sacrificing my time at work for the babies when they arrives. I cannot be putting the same amount of time at work 3 months later when they arrive. I have to learn that part of my time need to be given to the babies and to Felin. I cannot be that selfish and care only about myself and my work. I need to learn to be cool and patient so that Felin will not be stressed by me. Its such unconditional love that we just have to give our babies.

Short Snippets over past few days...

Just some updates of what happened over the past few days...

* I'm still hearing Felin vomiting every morning. She seems trying to burp but when the air did not come out, she will somehow vomit. Poor baby.

* I starting to feel the challenges of parenting. I helped Phyllis, my mum's neighbour to book a function room for her 21st Birthday on Saturday. She was just a baby when I played with her during my Polytechnic days and now she is fully grown. Its like so many years and so many things uncertainties awaiting before I can see Josiah and Joshua fully grown. I have no idea whether I will be a Daddy that they will loves and respect too. However, after starting this pregnancy journey with Felin, I think I'm loving the boys already, even when they are in Felin's womb. I will talk more about this in future.

* Felin had a craving for Yong's Soon Kuay early Saturday morning and I managed to satisfy her craving once again. Yeah! It was really yummy...

* We took the first step to understand about employment of domestic worker on Saturday by walking in to a maid agency to understand. It seems that Myanmar maid is an option too. Tentatively, we are considering employing the domestic worker only after the arrival of the babies as Levy is lower and its better that she comes after CNY.

* We are also stepping up our shopping for baby items. We went to see babies clothings and accessories while shopping today. Felin enquired some breastpumps and strollers in gumtree where the prices of 2nd hand items seems really low.

* Its Father in Law's birthday celebration Lunch on Sunday. We drove into Malaysia early in the morning to spend quality time with them. We went for Dim Sum breakfast, then to shopping before the lunch. We then have a sumptuous lunch with the family which include shark-fin and seafood like prawns and fish. FIL even gave each of us an ang bao for coming for the lunch... haha...
I again wondered when will the day I see all my kids, grown up, coming together and enjoy their companionship. I must do my best to let Josiah and Joshua be good brothers and to love each other.

* Oh ya. Its the babies 21st week since last Thurs. They are as long as a carrot now. 25cm long and 360gm heavy. Their skin now responds to touch. If we put pressure on the belly, he'll move away or push back. Wow!!! I'm stepping up my music for Felin every night. I believe they are able to sense or hear the music now.

* Felin are starting to feel the babies as if like bubbles rising in her womb. She can feel more of Joshua especially during the night. (It seems like Joshua are just like me who like to stay up late. Josiah seems moving less and actually makes me worried. lol...)

* Okay. Finally. I really look forward this Tuesday where we are going to do a detailed scan. Happy that I can see the babies again. Pray hard that everything will be fine. Parents in law are coming in to Singapore that day as its their public holiday.

Daddy need to work harder after tabulating Financial Numbers

I was really busy over the past 4 days in office, feeling guilty that I need to go back home at midnight. Haven't got time to update my blog for a few days. I have quite a number of accidents and hospital claims to settle for my clients, policies administrative issues such as premium non-payment and change of addresses, meeting clients/friends for tea or lunch to open opportunities, new product trainings, manager's meetings, etc...

I was trying to churn out proposals but it was going at too slow a pace and hence sales slowed down. Slower sales normally bring me back closer with God because he reminded me not to be over-confident and forget that he is in control. Slower sales also means that I can be more proactive in other areas that I felt inadequate such as learning on my presentation skills, etc... I recently took the time to prepare my presentation file for corporate HR Seminar and made my HR first presentation in a small Tuas company. Sounds small but its an achievement to me. My maiden seminar presentation might come soon and its time like this that I can concentrate on my preparation.

I'm already starting to have that feeling of going back home early to see Felin and the babies. I wish to tap Felin to bed daily and to have nice conversations with her before sleeping. I do not wish to miss watching my babies grow or miss reading bed-time stories to them, etc...Though I need to work harder if Felin choose to stop work for a while as additional expenses that are expected to come in with only my income, I just have to learn to better manage my time and be more focused at work.

As a Financial Planner, its my nature to be aware of my funds and I had tabulated my lumpsum cash needed and the potential future regular expenses. When the babies arrive, I will see how accurate I am on these.

Baby Expenses (Lumpsum Reserved)
* Felin upcoming Medical Checks and Labour (C-sect 3 days)	$9,000
* Conversion of my OPC status (Car)	$3,800
* Baby Bonus Topping up (Gradual $6k each)	$12,000
* Preparation for baby arrival (All the things to buy)	$1,700
* Others	$200
Total	$26,700

As for the extra potential expenses in future, I had tabulated to be about as below:

Baby Expenses (Monthly New)
* Domestic Worker	$800
* Diapers	$200
* Milk (saved if BF)	$400
* Baby usage	$200
* Insurance & Savings	$500
* Medical (Reserved)	$200
* Additional Car Exp. (Convert fm OPC) - Petrol, Parking, higher Road Tax, Insurance, etc...	$800
* Additional Household expenses for Mum to help take care of the babies	$500
* Others	$200
Total per month	$3,800

Bringing up 2 babies at the same time is no joke. If I only have 1 baby today, the additional cost will be halved to about $1,600 a month. Why? Because I may not consider the domestic worker, I may not convert my OPC and I may not request mum to stop work and help take care of my babies. If breast feeding is an option, the milk powder cost can also be saved. One major expenses will probably be the infant care facilities.

Currently, what I'm concerned is whether Felin is able to cope psychologically with the sudden arrival of 2 infants. As her husband, I need to provide her with the best possible support and money should not be an issue even if she choose to stop work. Moreover, my car conversion from OPC status may help in my business and give me more time. My mum retirement also means she can spend more quality time with my Dad and her grandchildren. These are things I can still afford and I want Felin to be able to enjoy her pregnancy and have all the time with the babies when they arrive in January next year.

A Packed Weekend

I always love weekends because I am able to spend valuable time with Felin and the babies. Yes. I considered my time with Felin to include the babies now too. The frequent talking to the babies and touching Felin's belly gives me the feeling that I'm going out and spending time with the babies as well. I can't stop thinking how long this parenting journey going to be like. I'm already constantly worry about Felin and the babies at pregnancy week 20 and I can't imagine having to see my kids till at least 21 years old which is nearly 1,100 weeks more. Now then I can understand why parents are always worried about their children. I had never thought of that before in my life.

We met up with Andy and Susan during on Saturday. Its a chance to introduce Felin to Susan as they shared a lot of experiences with each other. Felin had never spoken to another twin mother before and this meet-up certainly gave her more knowledge and confidence. Susan agreed to share more information about her research with us. Her EDD is 22th November but she expect the baby to arrive in late October which is about week 36. Felin's EDD is 24th January but we target 10th January or at least towards a 2015 Jubilee baby.

Bernard apps me that he was in Kaki Bukit Hyper Baby store shortly after the meeting with Andy/Susan and we drove down to meet them as well. Its another chance for Felin to share with another going-to-be mother about purchasing baby stuffs. Its a good chance for me to catch up with Bernard as he went through a lot of productivity stuffs on his computer and smartphone which I have no idea about. Simply not too much of an IT person.

For Sunday, its a full day of church and Cell meeting. Pastor Linda and David visited our cell today and she prayed for both of us and the babies. She commented that the "蕊" word that Felin visualised of also include my heart because the hearts of the husband and wife is "Together as One". This means the word represent the world family. How nice to hear that... We had teo chew porridge today and a really sumptuous lunch. Its a cheat week for me as I ate a bit too much over the last 2 days. I got to start working out during the week to burn the fats off. I had successfully lost about 1.2kg during the month of August. I am targeting to lose more fats on my waist. Hopefully by October end, I can get back to my 60kg frame.

Its another tough week ahead. Sales has been slow and I'm working hard to get more meetings. Pressure is getting intense as my thought that the babies are coming soon. I am needed to go for HR meetings and may be forced to present in a corporate seminar soon through my adviser's calling. Haven't got the confidence to talk in large crowd as yet. I also haven't really started learning doing cold calling for HR yet as well. These are areas which I always feel in adequate about.

Halfway point - 20th week...

The babies are exactly at their halfway point today. Felin is doing well at 20th week. Her tummy is getting bigger and the bump is quite obvious now. We had a good laugh few days ago when her belly button closed up due to her bigger tummy. The belly button was still visible a few days ago and gradually closed up within a span of less than a week. The growth of the babies are really amazing.

She is still feeling stressful at work and she told her boss that she will discontinue her work after the 4 months confinement. I was still worried as of why she told her about it that early. I think she is just responsible and considerate to her boss. We are also discussing whether its time to look for a domestic worker and whether to convert my off-peak car soon.

From the internet, I found the below development about the babies...

By week 20, your baby-to-be is gearing up for the next phase in his development—filling out. His organs are getting into their proper places. His kidneys are now in position with their familiar bean shape. His testes (or ovaries for girls) have reached their position. His brain continues to form and grow. His teeth are beginning to appear, and he can swallow. If you haven’t been able to feel him move, chances are you’ll be feeling him move more and more over the coming weeks.

Its a size of a banana now. Will continue to pray for mother and babies... Must not lose sight that God is in control of everything...

Tentative Chinese names for our Babies

Felin and I discussed for quite a while on Chinese names for our babies today.
We had earlier mentioned the word "恒" (Heng2) few weeks ago. It means "Everlasting" and "Perseverance".

Both of us pretty like this word because this word reminds us of the Everlasting love and promise from God. This word also teaches us and the children to persevere in whatever they do.

Another word that Felin suggested is "予".(Yu3). It means "Give" or "Praise". We like this word because we believe that our babies are gifts from God and we shall continue to praise the Lord.

We decided to put the 予 in the centre of their names and hence derived 阙予恒. (Que Yu Heng)
As for the other baby, I thought of the word "阙予正"(Que Yu Zheng) which the "正"(Zheng4) means "Righteous" and "Justice".

Joshua will be 予恒 because Joshua took 40 years in the desert before entering the Promiseland which shows his perseverance before taking over Canaan, he had also fulfilled the everlasting promise given by God of this Israelite's land.

Josiah will be 予正 because he is the righteous king who brought back Justice by overturning all unrighteous things left behind by all the other kings before him. He reminds us to be righteous in the presence of God.

The Babies Grandfathers

Its another weekend in Malaysia again. Its always so relaxing to be there where we will just enjoy the food and companionship as a family. Whenever I went back to Malaysia, my Father In Law will give me a glimpse on the type of satisfaction a father can achieved through a combination of selflessness and intelligence. He will always chauffeur us around to get our errands done, he will cook really great food for the whole family, he will give advice whenever we need it and he is certainly someone we can depend upon when we encounter any problem. He does all these without complain despite the hardship of bringing up 4 children and each with them with their own character. I can see that his children really give him tip-top love and respect. Such love and respect are accumulated through all these years and not just because he is their father.

As for my Father, he is someone who expresses himself lesser through words. I don't remember hearing him say how he loves or dotes us but through his actions, we know he loves the family. Whenever there are anything wrong in my house like a toilet bowl choking, light point not working or fixing a problematic TV, he will be there to save me. He dotes on my nieces just like his own daughter. He will chauffeur her from school, tuitions, enrichment classes, etc... He also dotes on Felin through small gestures like buying durians for Felin regularly, knowing that she loves it. He is a man of few words but deep inside our heart, he is someone that we respect. However, as we don't come from affluent family, Dad was just busy with work that he probably spend little time with us during childhood years.

When I looked at my own Father and Father in Law, there are many things I will want to learn from them in order that I can be a better Father...
1) I must learn to express my love for my children, by actions and by words to such that they do not feel awkward if I am to hug them or to kiss them, despite them being boys...
2) I must set good example for both of them to be righteous with God and to be their best friend so that they can look for me when they encountered problems in future.
3) I must be selfless like my Fathers and not complain whenever they ask me to help them or if my presence is needed.
4) I must stay positive despite the headwinds in my career so that I can innovate, stay ahead and give them the best I can in term of time and finances, at least till their independence...

I want my 2 boys to be closer to me as compared to how I am to my Dad. I want my 2 boys to be close to each other as compared to how close I am to my brother. I want them to know that they are brothers and they have to respect each other regardless how different they are in future. I want them to know that we are a family unit. No matter what happen, we will always stay close as a family. This family include our extended family which is their grandparents and of course not forgetting our Heavenly Father as well.