A Memorable December of 2023

Just to record the two events that happened in December of 2023. 

The first thing to share is our Jiang Nan / Shanghai Holiday. It was an 8-day trip with my family, including my Parents, uncle and auntie. I was pretty worried initially about this trip, considering my Dad wasn't in the best of mental alertness and my uncle, who suffers from heart disease and problematic leg issues. I was also concerned about the weather and whether it would rain too often.

The trip turned out to be one of the best, with almost perfect weather, while the folks and kids enjoyed themselves. We visited many beautiful places and took plenty of photos worthy to be in our lifetime memories. The folks enjoyed the scenery and food, while the kids enjoyed the daily bathtub play and movie nights. The boys behaved well generally, except Josiah knocked down a lamp, and I was made to pay for it. I was crossed for that day as Josiah always can't seem to stop touching things while moving around carelessly.

One of the highlights is that I'm able to have a considerably good time with my Dad, who I suspect may not be able to visit places with us just like this in the next few years. His health isn't just as good as Mum's. Sometimes, I worry that I might be just like him in the future or even earlier. I always feel that my mental alertness isn't getting good.

Another event to mention is the Christmas Season. We had our cell group celebration and then with Felin's family the following week. I was quite stressed during this period when I was uncertain about the direction of my future career and the way I run my practice. I felt unhappy that I was not giving my good clients a better level of care, yet my time was constantly being spent on clients I felt undeserving and didn't really like to serve. While at home, I was not spending enough time with the kids, and their schoolwork was not going well. Worst, I felt that my relationship with Felin wasn't at a level that I was happy with. I am feeling low, being a husband and father, yet my career is messy. My health is getting worse with low energy, headaches and joint pains lately. I can't stop feeling that my career has stagnated.

Anyway, this Christmas does tell me that it's all about God eventually, and this season is for me to re-focus my attention on him and pray more to him again. I just have to keep telling myself that I just do the best for the kids. Success will depend on God alone. Just give me the wisdom, good health and enough love to see it through.

Proud of the boys

I will always remind myself that I should not put too high an expectation of the boys as God has his best interest in their life and future, not what I hope to see. I just want to journey with them, pushing and encouraging them while seeing what God had planned for them.

The recent Elias Park Primary School's Honours Day Award surprised me, as Josiah was chosen for the Best Sportsman in his class, the same award that Joshua received last year. Both boys did something that their Daddy had not achieved in the past, which was to get a trophy during the school's awards day. I just want to say that I'm proud of both of you, but the days ahead will not be as easy because you will see more competition, and you will realise many people are willing to work harder than you and many who are smarter than you all completing in your field. I hope that as both of you enter volleyball in P3, you will learn about grit and determination. 

Josiah was nervous the Award's day. He seemed anxious before walking up the stage, and when I tried to pose a picture with him, his mind was all over. Even after the event, it was still tough for me to take a picture with him. He was such a compliant boy, wanting to ensure he did things correctly in according to procedures.

The boys followed me to the monthly food distribution event as I went up 2 floors of Blk 492F to remind everyone to come down and collect their food and, at the same time, try to befriend them. The boys will always help me distribute door goodies when they see children. 

We also went out as usual on weekends and recently to Orchard Road with Zi Qing. The two were just followers when they met a personality like Zi Qing, who loves to lead. Boys, I hope you both will learn to lead and teach Zi Qing how to behave at times too, telling her what is right and what is not, instead of being led by her to do mischievous or defiant acts.

I always hope you will look deeper into the things we do in our daily lives. Your current daily prayers are like for the past at least 1-2 years: "God, thank you for bringing us out, thank you for buying ice cream to us, etc..." and it is all about you. I look forward to the day you will learn to pray for others and not all about yourselves.

All of us have an equal 24 hours a day. How we are going to make use of our day can determine our life ahead. Choose our activities carefully and do not spend the entire time watching YouTube and absorbing ourselves into programmes that don't need to use our brains. Such a program is okay once a while, but too much of it will bring down our IQ.

Daddy was hospitalised due to the removal of Gallbladder recently. You did not even ask if I was okay or what happened. You were fixated on Ye Ye and Nai Nai's phone when you walked into the ward to visit me. I'm not sure if it's just like that to have boys. When I was pushed to the Operating Theatre, I was warned that I may have a small risk of not waking up or died during the operation, and that was the moment I realised I did not update this blog and hope I live through to write about your awards day.

Till here for the day. It's school holiday now and a bit messy now with kids around in the house all day long. I'd registered them for Archery, Table Tennies and Magic Class. Joshua is particularly excited about Magic. 

The next blog post should be an update on our Shanghai Trip, which I hope will be enjoyable and smooth with so many old and young with me while I'm still recovering from my surgery. A bit nervous but I look forward to the next update. 

Clocking New Memories - Our First Staycation - Resort World Sentosa

 We went for a staycation during the PSLE Marking Days holiday on 17-18 Oct 23. We got some RWS vouchers during the NATAS fair when we booked our December Shanghai Holiday recently. Its considered a free staycay or we usually will not spend few hundred dollars just to stay overnight in a hotel.

We started with a simple breakfast at Old Airport Road Hawker Centre before proceeding to Sentosa Adventure Cove for a day of waterpark fun. Joshua was a bit short on some of the rides that require 1.22m but I went with Josiah still. Both of them are considerably adventurous but not really excited to take some of the scarier rides a 2nd time. They are just contented playing at the wave beach and seeing the sting-rays at the lazy river. Anyway, we spent a good 5 hours there and really got sun-tanned.

We checked in Hotel Michael at 4pm and the boys are so comfortable in the room that Josiah just watched Youtube on TV while Joshua watching Naruto Anime. We were happily eating the fruits and chips that Felin purchased the day before.

We then took the tram to the beach and walked along the beach while watching sun set. Interesting the boys love watching the waves and playing with water. Thereafter, we had dinner at Marry Brown.

The boys had a good night playing their light sticks in the room and the 4 of us managed to snuggle together on the king sized bed. Surprising, we had a good sleep, despite the 4 of us on the bed.

The next morning, we went back to Sentosa for Palawan Beach and for Cable Car before going back hotel and rested for a further 1.5 hours before checking out at 1pm.

We then went Vivocity for Hai Di Lao before coming back for our car and drove back home. Its a really enjoyable trip and its another new memory and experience recorded with the boys.

Loving self is crucial while loving the boys

Just a quick update today about my own feelings lately. Just feel like whining a bit as I found myself losing patience with the boys again and again. The way they fought with each other, the way they ate and were picky about the food, the way they behaved outside, the way they refused to do their homework, etc.... All the small things, when added up are making me frustrated. 

I am also very frustrated with myself as I knew I wasn't spending enough time teaching in their learning journey. I knew they were just normal and not excel because I was not putting enough effort into them. Sometimes, I haven't felt they had accomplished anything that I'll be surprised with. But to be fair, I really am not putting in the right effort for them too. Honestly, I'm feeling guilty that I could not balance my work with my family that well. Whenever my sales are down, I tend to want to spend more time at work, but during working hours, I may easily shift my attention to my phone and waste my time away. I am fully aware that I'm not productive at work.

Just felt that I'm not balancing my work well and back at home as a father and a husband. Sometimes, when I see how the boys struggle with their work, I blame myself that I'm not that smart either, and perhaps their DNA is just like mine. When they do things that I normally will not do, like how they fight and do silly things, it makes me angry as well because I don't think I'll do all these silly things at their age. Sometimes, I really feel like caning them in order to convey some messages to them.

Felin has been wanting to pull them out from Student Care from next month onwards, and this is making me nervous. I really do not know how my life will be affected. I find myself unable to work well when they are at home, and I find them to be highly distracting. Felin told me to work from my bedroom and don't bother about them, but I don't like to work in my bedroom. I was angry that I couldn't adapt to working with them around. I also don't wish to sacrifice my work, but I know they need to be out of Student Care in order to learn more things and spend time more productively. I always hope they spend some time learning music and art. It's all a dilemma in my head.

Anyway, I'm reminded from within my heart that I first need to Love myself first before loving the kids. I cannot always think that they are not able to achieve anything just because I felt I never accomplished anything meaningful in life myself. I cannot blame my DNA or genes when they have challenges like being unable to master Chinese, poor presentation skills or sports like they can't play badminton well no matter how much training I sent them to because I think I'm a poor learner too. (Though the irritated part is how they never seem to put in the effort to learn). I myself need to pull myself out of the low-esteem self before I can pull them out of their lack of confidence.

Energy was a bit down lately despite just celebrating my birthday 2 days ago. Just don't feel that I'm doing well in many aspects and need to buck up. Daddy is surely not giving up. I will set a good example for you guys to know about perseverance and hard work. Primary 3 coming up, and new challenges, while Daddy is also trying to juggle his own career.

Okay, till here and I'll be going to Athens in a few days' time... I hope the next 1 week brings more clarity to my career.

Time flies again!!!

Time flies again. I can't believe that my last post was nearly 8 months ago. I was swamped with 101 things to do daily, and writing this blog post is always like a last priority. I always have things to write, but whenever I hesitate, I will forget about them altogether, and time passes away again. 

I shared this post with 2 of my client's children, who are teenagers now. They were like telling me never to tell this blog to my boys as they don't want their friends to know so much about them. I pondered on their remarks and think I got to agree and be more mindful of what I posted and what the objectives are. The more I think, the more I hesitate to pen any post. Hence such a long wait too.

One very recent event is my experience of bringing Joshua and Josiah's class to Pasir Ris Park. They really persistently pestered me to be the parent volunteer for the event. I was happy about it because it showed they still liked my presence in their life at this stage.

They are growing well. Still the daily bickering with each other. I was always worried about their lack of motivation to read and study. I can't emphasize enough that studying is for their own knowledge and not for Daddy or Mummy. They still enjoyed Blackpink songs now, with occasionally IVE, New Jeans and Fifty Fifty. I'm learning K-pop with them.

To record things for my future reference or when I'm not around anymore for some sudden accidents, I hope it is able to bring some messages across to them.

My boys are pretty sociable, and they make friends quite easily. They enjoyed the friendships with their classmates.

This is just a photo to remind me that the boys still love my presence with their friends.

Just a little picture to show our new house, which God had blessed me and Felin

Though mummy is the stricter parent when it comes to parenting, they love her to the moon and depend on her when it comes to brushing teeth and bedtime. I was so busy lately that mummy took up more of their schooling issues, including homework. 

They enjoy going back to Malaysia because they will have a chance to play with their cousins and are able to watch TV for hours without restrictions.

They still love the cute, cute things and will ask me to help with photos for them.

They enjoyed riding the bicycle. Joshua is still riding the really baby-size one and complains about being too slow. Hope he grows fast and is able to handle a bigger one soon...

Both boys love little animals like cats, dogs or rabbits. Joshua always says he likes Shiba Inu, and Josiah is quite random though.

I told them I liked the long-haired dog, and after some checks on Google, they found that it's one of the least intelligent dogs, and they joked with me that I like St***d dog. Haizzz...

Happy 8th Birthday Boy!!!

The boys went to school as usual on their birthday. I packed lunch for them and prepared a day of surprises. They first had their lunch at the void deck near their school before I drove them to the Science Centre, which they were not aware of. A few days prior to their Birthday, I asked them where they wanted to go and what they wanted to eat on their Birthday; they could only tell me "MacDonalds". I told them that their Birthday Present will be their new room, which I have been busy preparing them for... They were just so sweet to accept it and did not complain that they wouldn't have a present.

I'd planned for them to visit the Mirror and Laser Maze, Omni Theatre at Science Centre. Imagine the whole theatre belongs to us and we can sit anywhere we like that day. They also had fun with all the exhibits, including the Probia, Cyclone and Earthquake experience, etc... I also allowed them $12 each to buy their own gift at the Science Centre shop. Thereafter, we had soda and milkshakes at the cafe while they opened their newly bought toys before the long journey back home for Dinner with Felin.

We had a simple Yakiniku dinner at Whitesand, which they loved too, and Felin allowed them another $6 to buy another toy. They did not have any birthday cake this year but used Birthday ice cream instead, which they enjoyed too. We sang birthday songs as usual, and I surprised them with my presents, which they totally didn't expect.

Okay. 8 years had passed. Another 8 years will be their O' Levels, and another 8 years will be their full independence. 1/3 of the journey had passed!!! Jia You Jia You!!!

It was a simple birthday celebration for them this year, but I'm glad that they enjoyed it. I would like to present their new room, which they officially migrated on 13th Jan. They simply love their new room and are happy with their new personal space. Looks simple, but I spent quite a bit of time racking ideas from double-decked beds, pulled-out beds, etc.... I am glad that God implanted me with a simple, moveable platform which they can use to store their books, stationaries and toys. I also spent time talking with the electrician about installing the track lighting, and I personally repainted the room white to brighten up their space.

Currently, we are still in the midst of buying another table and installing an Ikea book cabinet, but for now, it's definitely good enough for them to move in first. Felin and I finally had gotten our space back together after 7 years. Praise God for this day... 

First Post of 2023 - Happy New Year!!!

Its my first post of 2023 and I'm pretty late to update. Been busy with work, preparing the kids Primary 2 journey like reviewing and wrapping their school books, designing their new room to prepare their migration and planning for their birthday, etc... over the past 2 weeks.

Let me journal their 2023 celebration and what I wish to say for today first.

New year eve was celebrated at Pasir Ris Park with Tracy, her mother, Peter and Zi Qing. I'd suggested a BBQ and it really materialized within 3 days after my suggestion. Both me and Felin were busy with work but we still managed to get the job done about 2 hours before setting off at 4pm that day.

We were blessed with great weather. The kids had lots of fun with the sand, BBQing marshmallows and playing with sparkling sticks. They were tired when we reached home but Josiah requested us to wake him up to see the fireworks which he missed every year. The fireworks comes from Tampines Hub which we can partially view but its probably our final year that we can view it because the new BTO flats from Tampines North will surely block us next year onwards.

On 7th January, we went back Malaysia for a very early Reunion Dinner. Its too difficult to travel back as the kids need go back to school this time unlike preschool days. We also do not wish to brave the bad traffic and Felin will be very busy during their period too anyway.

They had more fun with their cousins in Malaysia compared to cousins in Singapore because the age gap between them are much closer for them to do silly things together. They kept laughing and can't stop running around whenever they are together. The kids always love me to be around too as I'm the less busy one who are willing spend time playing and doing silly things with them.

May 2023 be a wonderful year for all of us. Wish that everyone stay in good health, be happy and able to achieve new milestone in their career and personal lives.

Okay. Now a few sentences to jot down what I'm currently feel in my parenting journey...

Sometimes I can't stopping feeling that my boys are simply not those intelligent kids. A bit acceptance that they are not likely those who can do exceptionally well in school. Whenever I'm teaching them, they can't really seems to remember things, careless with their work, don't exhibit seriousness or resilience in their learning. Maybe due to their age, they don't really care for me and Felin and let us feel a sense of gratefulness from them.

I frequently will doubt on my own parenting abilities. I'm probably not creative enough to encourage them in their learning journey, had not set up a more conducive environment that they will be motivated to learn or I did not make best use of their early childhood to "Open Up" their brains, etc... Am I spending too much time at work? Had they simply had inherit my genes, which I know I'm not a smarty too.

I know I should not compare them with any other children and to love them unconditionally. Every kid is different and have different talents. I cannot be so fast to judge how they will turn out to be one day. My expectations will just give them pressure and I want them to grow just to be themselves and be confident with life. I also know that I shouldn't compare myself with other parents too and to remind myself that I'd tried hard enough. Just got to remember that God is the one in control and I need to continue trust him while we do our best to help them achieve their full potential and be useful people in the society one day. I'm learning to be good parent while I'm teaching them to be good children too. Long journey but I'm positive I can still do better...