I'll be flying to Santiago and Cusco in the days ahead, and I always have that fear of "What if" I never come back home, and I'll miss writing this today. Sounds Paranoid, but that's how I see life. I always have many things that I want to say about them, but forget once I do not pen them down on the day itself.
Josiah is 1.42m, and Joshua is 1.26m as of today. Both of them still have plenty of childishness in them, and many things they said sometimes just don't make sense. I can still hold their hands when they walk and remember some of the days they were so grateful to me for letting them play their Roblox freely. Their mind is simple. I'm forced to study now because I need to play later. They haven't really found the reason why they need to study hard.
As the examination approached, Felin and I were doing our best to teach what we could. I have to thank Felin because she is doing the heavy work while I only occasionally assist. I either stayed later in the office to finish that last bit of work or met clients till late at night. I was lost if I am to teach their Mandarin, English, Orals and Composition. I struggled even with Science.
When I struggled with these, I noticed that Josiah is struggling just like I do. I was hoping that he could be much better than I. I get a bit disappointed that he is just like me, who struggled to string our thoughts well and express them. This worries me because I know I struggled with tasks that require more memory, such as giving a long presentation or working on detailed academic assignments.
However, one thing that I don't do is to hide under the blanket when I don't know something. I think I'll put in more effort first. I must teach him to learn to face challenges and not pretend they are not there. When their attitude of learning is not there, I'll be more agitated compared to when they don't understand my teachings.
As for Joshua, he is an intelligent boy, but he lacks motivation and drive at this stage of life. I always joked that he would be a Dentist because I had a vision of him doing dental work when I was having my wisdom tooth removed many years ago. He seems to take the joke seriously and told me he will never want to be a Dentist because I said he might be. It's not easy to push him to do things beyond his minimum requirement.
It's not easy for me and Felin, as we were both busy professionals. I've moved beyond my honeymoon period in Infinity FA, and I need to brainstorm to achieve my next career breakthrough. I need to step up my recruitment work or up my skillset to service a higher market segment, or I risk losing my Manager position again in my new company. New consultants will also likely mean less time with the boys. There is also a possibility that my domestic helper may leave us soon.
The boys' schoolwork, the helper's departure, finding sales, recruitment, declining parents' health, and the need to strengthen my relationship with Felin are all giving me stress. It's seriously a challenge to be a parent, and only God knows their future. I can only trust God to lead our family in the days ahead. Bless our health as well. Thank God. Bless my journey to South America this Sunday as well.
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